About Mark - Divorce coaching / child advocate

People like to voice their opinions.

They may publicly discuss topics in which they are not well versed and repeat what they've heard without knowing its source – or the truth, for that matter. During a divorce, this is a very common occurrence. You will hear opinions, ideas and arguments that have no basis. In turn, the onslaught of different information may very well confuse you and cause you to carry out actions that may be serious mistakes. Here I address what are the truths are and what the myths are.

I was served with an Order of Protection.
All I need to do is stay away from my spouse and kids.

	False. It depends on what type of Order of Protection you have been served with, since some are stricter than others. It may limit or restrict your communication in different forms such as third-party, i.e. teachers, friends etc., or by electronic means i.e. phones, e-mails etc. You might be forced to stay away from schools, workplaces or other family members.

	Advice: Get an attorney. Unless you've read through and fully understand the Order, refrain from all of the above. The last thing you want to do is violate the Order and get into legal ramifications from the start.

Every divorce is a legal battle.
One party must lose.

False. There are a number of alternatives to a divorce being litigated in court. Couples are encouraged to try to settle out-of-court first, i.e. through mediation or arbitration, resulting in a collaborative divorce, leaving just the legal filing etc. to be done.

All divorce attorneys do the same thing.
I'll hire the first one I find.

	False. Assuming that all of them are the same is quite far from the truth. Certain lawyers specialize in a particular area of law where others don't. Different lawyers have different, and sometimes unique, approaches and techniques when handling a case. When selecting a lawyer to handle your case, it is best to choose one with whom you feel comfortable and who is most fitting for your case. An attorney with a lower hourly rate isn't necessarily cheaper in the long run. While hiring an attorney at a lower hourly rate may sound more economical, if it takes him more time to file paperwork than it would take an attorney with a slightly higher hourly rate, in the long run, your cheaper attorney will cost you more than the more expensive one. Ultimately, you may end up paying more for a less qualified attorney.

	Advice: Know whom you're hiring. The right attorney will always get you the most for your money.

Custody is exclusive.
It's either my spouse or me.

False. The court's decision is always based on the child's best interest. Custody is based on a number of factors, such as the parenting skills of each parent, each parent's ability to provide for the child's special needs, if any, the physical and mental health of each parent, work schedule and child care plans for each parent, and each parent's ability to cooperate with the other parent.

You know,
the kids can handle it…

False. Countless studies have shown this to be false. Many children are emotionally harmed and suffer long-term emotional upheaval that lasts into adulthood. Children at any age – toddlers to teenagers – face disturbing issues that may occur during divorce, and it may negatively impact their fair chance at a bright future, affecting their studies, behavior, and even health.

Nobody finalizes a divorce on a high note.
It's always bitter

False. While this is often true, it doesn't always have to be. It all depends on how your divorce is being taken to. A divorce can be peaceful and well balanced if you don't focus purely on who wins but rather on the big picture. By trying to settle out of court you are doing your part to reduce the stress and anger associated with traditional courtroom proceedings. It's in your hands to take the high road or the hard road. How will you resolve your divorce: Will you fight it out through adversarial litigation, or can you set aside personal feelings long enough to negotiate out of court?

If I get divorced,
everything I ever owned is split.

False. Only property considered "matrimonial property" would be divided as the court rules. Generally speaking, all property acquired by either spouse before the marriage is considered non-marital property.

Since we are divorced, the best thing would be
zero communication between my ex and myself.

False. As a parent to the children involved, the best thing you can possibly do is to coordinate, correspond and co-parent in a civil manner. Children will slyly pick up on post-divorce tensions between parents and have been known to play one parent against the other for personal want or out of feelings of hurt and/or abandonment. Don't invite your children to the battlefield.

Know your rights. Speak with the right people. Make your decisions wisely. And, most importantly, always remain cool, calm and collected.